Just Some Stuff

REPOSTING OF BLOG UPDATES (not mine): The Past Year
In the past year, a lot has happened in my life. On May 18, 2008, I was a tubby kid with braces, glasses that I wore more that I was supposed to, a happy-go-lucky attitude, and a lot of free time in the 7th grade. I rode my bike when I got too bored, played D&D or Magic the Gathering with my older brother Zach when I got the chance, and I mowed lawns for cash. I was around 5'8 and 180 pounds. I was basically a big nerd, and like all good nerds I went to nerd camp and met a Goddess who you wouldn't expect to find at a nerd camp like this, not because she wasn't smart, but because she was just so beautiful. Her name was Luna.She apparently thought I looked pretty good too, because she asked me out on the second day of the three week camp without having said a word to me before that. We went out together for the entire three week camp, going to dances held each week and spending almost every free second we had together. We were the only couple at TIP that stayed together the whole time, and we still have yet to break up. We've been going out for 10 months now.There's only one problem with our relationship: She lives in Florida, while I live in North Carolina. In the whole 10 months we've been together, we've only been in each other's physical company for a total of 22 days. After about 2 months of being boyfriend and girlfriend, we found out something that we have in common: we both yearned for parenthood. It's true, I want to be a father, I have no fear of commitment with Luna, other guys would say I'm insane. She wanted to be a mother as well, and I seemed to be the right guy to be the father of her children. So at 13, I was promised sex, children, and marriage to a girl that I had only known for 2 months, and there was no doubt about it that we loved each other more than anyone could comprehend.As time went on I found out some other things about Luna. She had a boyfriend at the time she asked me out, and she didn't break up with him for the remainder of TIP. She was reluctant to tell me this, thinking that I would take it the wrong way and dump her, but actually it was a huge self-esteem booster for me because that meant that not only did I look awesome, I looked better than her boyfriend, so much so that she was willing to cheat on him. Another, less positive, thing I learned was of a horrible disease I had never heard of before that she had. It's a mental disease, a combonation of high susceptibility to depression and a high tolerence in pain. It's called cutting, and as I learned later on it is contagious.I made her promise that she wouldn't do it again, but during the fall and winter of '08, she broke that promise 3 times. I was heartbroken each time, and on December 28, the day before Luna was coming, I tried it for myself. I was cleaning my room at the time, when I found a shard of glass in the carpet. I cut my left forearm until there was a bloody patch of cuts, which I could disguise as a natural accident. I choose to go with "I fell out of a tree" to cover up the truth.During her visit with me, we went on a walk around Lake Johnson to a specific place, a little rock garden and waterfall off the spillway of the dam. I had labeled this place as my Happy Place, because it was an amazing place in comparison to the city around it. At our happy place, we started making out and I got on top of her. We were going to execute our plans for parenthood then and there, but the only problem was that we ran out of time. We were supposed to meet her mother in three minutes when we checked to see how much time we had left. Afterwards we went on a movie and dinner date, making out most of the time during the movie.After her visit not much happened until Valentine's day, where I gave her a box of chocolate, a wreath of roses, and a card, which she thinks is beautifully written. No promises were broken, until march came around. During early march she broke the promise and cut, I learned this via text message right before I went to bed. I was too broken to respond, but that night I cut, 4 on my face. I did it right where she could see it (we had webcams by that time,) because I wanted her to know what it felt like to have a loved one hurt themselves. It worked, but then I got hooked; later that month I cut again, two on my right shoulder, then six on my chest after I had to leave her again after my visit in Florida during Spring Break in April.That same week that I had cut my chest, she cut again. I wasn't sad like before, I was pretty ticked, and I yelled at her that night, cursing the most I've ever cursed in my life (I'm against cursing in general, except for when its needed.) We then made up and re-established the promise, but we still fought more than any other relationship could stand for the next month. We were having trust issues and my dad was limiting the time we could talk on the phone. During these fights, I cut twice, and she didn't cut at all, I'm still ashamed of that, but I didn't tell her until last night.Two days ago I cut, 8 on my shoulder. Last night I came clean and told Luna about all of the times I cut that she didn't know about. We didn't really fight at all, and by this morning she has already forgiven me. The score is now 5 to 5, we've each broken 5 promises.In the past year I've gone from a 7th grade loser with an even bigger loser as a girlfriend to an 8th grade heartthrob (or so I've been told) with a girlfriend who tells me I'm a heartthrob. I'm still around 180 but now I'm 5'10, and I'm also more muscular. I've gone through alot of changes in the past year, most of them good ones.